Our fourth Valentine’s Day


At our wedding reception we had a large dictionary and some sticky notes with a sign that asked our guests to mark the word that described marriage to them. I found the sticky notes again the other day. Here’s what our friends and family thought of marriage:

  • Honesty
  • Forgive
  • Marriage – what gets you through all of the quap (French pronunciation of crap) that life throws at you!!
  • Marriage – 2 awesome people joining together to walk hand in hand serving God
  • Forever
  • Best Friends!
  • Fun!
  • Rewarding
  • Rewarding [it was marked by two different people – and it’s true!]
  • Partnership
  • Sanctifying – a big word to say that marriage can be a tool to make you holy, individually and together
  • Balance
  • Putting aside one’s self
  • BFF!
  • One of God’s greatest tools he can use to refine us & teach us to serve as Christ came to do
  • Unity

Today is our fourth Valentine’s Day together and we celebrated four years of marriage last month. They’ve been, without question, the best four years of my life! I know that today isn’t an easy day for a lot of people and I’m super grateful to be in this season of life right now. It’s so much better than I ever imagined!

Marriage with Good Cop is defined by all of those sticky note words, but this winter I’m especially noticing the partnership we have. I recently read Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey and loved it. I think overall the book got reviewed as groundbreaking, forward-thinking and progressive – the front cover even calls it “radical.” But there wasn’t anything new for me in her thoughts about marriage and how it can be a partnership of two equally submissive and loving leaders. It was immensely encouraging to realize that I wouldn’t change anything about our relationship. We both follow Jesus and that means that we both give ourselves for whatever need we can fill. Sometimes it’s him doing the dishes and laundry because I’ve been working online during nap times. Sometimes it’s me making our meals and packing his lunch because he needs sleep. Sometimes it’s him watching Ana so I can be on the worship team, and me taking her to church alone when he’s working. Sometimes it’s him being in charge of paying bills and sometimes it’s me. I remember our premarital counseling session that covered household duties and how we planned to distribute the work. He said then that he expected each of us to pitch in with whatever was needed, and that he didn’t think there were certain roles we had to fall into. I didn’t really believe him but it turns out that he did feel that way. And it’s not just with chores around the house; he’s a partner like that in every part of our life. We live by the saying that marriage isn’t 50-50, it’s 100-100. It creates a really safe place to love and be loved.

Sometimes I try to figure out why we work together so well. Is it our age and how long we waited for the right person? Was it our similar childhood experiences? Is it the high rates of divorce, suicide and early death for his career – the daily reminders that life is precious and love is sacrificial? Or maybe we just have personalities that blend without much conflict? Whatever it is, it’s a gift. I see glimpses of God’s faithfulness, trust, forgiveness and extravagant love through our relationship. Love you always and forever, Good Cop. I’m so proud to be your wife.


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