Thanksgiving has been my favorite holiday for a long time. You get all the food, decorations and family time of Christmas but none of the gift-buying stress. When I met Good Cop and he mentioned that Thanksgiving was his favorite holiday, I knew he was a good match.
This year Thanksgiving was really different. For three months we’ve been counting down to this weekend with more anticipation and butterflies than ever. Back in September, when I was doing the calculation, Thanksgiving seemed too good to be true for this milestone after such a long year. Yes, you guessed right. This was my Thanksgiving outfit from Etsy.
We’ve got another baby on board!
Since the first weeks I’ve been praying that they’ll be a strong kicker, and look what we saw at the last ultrasound! The strong kicker! I think I’ll regret that prayer when they start running out of room and develop bigger muscles but I want the reassurance that they’re well and happy, so I’m not gonna complain even if they break some ribs.
It’s been a bittersweet season. I’ve been marking every completed week with a celebration and lots of grateful prayers, and we’ve had great ultrasounds from the beginning. This baby looks amazing. I felt so different this time and I’ve got a bump. My clothes shrink every day, and we had a great time sharing the news with the world this weekend! But I still want our first two and the blackbird right now. I watch moms who have or had due dates close to my first two and wonder if that’s what I’d look like right now. Sometimes it’s hard to believe I’ve loved so many babies this year. After waiting so long for a family it seems ironic that in one year I added four kids to my mom-heart. Also, I feel bad “complaining” that I’ve had three pregnancies this year when I have friends who would love to have just one, even if it wasn’t successful. That’s how I felt for the last ten years, wondering if I would ever have the option of being a mom. I remember crying on Good Cop’s lap when we were talking about going off birth control – he was mystified (rightly) by my tears. But I was scared to jump in to that new season because I knew that once we started trying, there was a good chance I would fail. If we just never tried, I would be safe from that heartbreak. And I was right – that season was hard and draining even before the miscarriages. So, I know the frustration of hearing pregnant people complain about their life when you would give anything to be in their shoes. I don’t want to be that kind of pregnant person.
Like I said, this baby is amazing. I’m a couple days shy of 14 weeks and they’re due to join us around June 4. They gave me minimal morning sickness (thanks, Mom, for those genes!) and I was able to take lots of naps since I didn’t have to be at work. Other symptoms have been less mild! I’m hoping for lots of hair since I’ve had heartburn since the earliest days the baby joined us. I’m really grateful the other symptoms seem to be taking a back seat over the last two weeks as we transition to the second tri.
The ultrasounds at 7 and 11 weeks were some of the best moments of our lives, watching that heart beat like nobody’s business and then seeing the baby take shape so quickly. My sister, the Occupational Therapy Fairy Godmother, has nicknamed the baby Bluebird. It fits well! One of my favorite knickknacks is a porcelain bluebird I got from a family friend when I was little; she said it was a bluebird of happiness. We’re blond-hair blue-eyed folks and the Bluebird will probably get those, although I’ve always wanted a dark-haired, dark-eyed baby (hoping the Blackbird comes through for that).
The Blackbird is on hold for a while. After we really looked at our finances, it made sense to get a few more things wrapped up before we do the home study. Good Cop’s car won’t fit a car seat and it’s nearing the end of it’s daily-use life, and now we’ll need to add a bedroom downstairs (and maybe a family room, since Good Cop sleeps during the day and our current floor plan isn’t conducive to concurrent baby noise and deep sleep!). I struggled a lot with the decision to wait, mostly because I don’t want to put it off forever until suddenly it’s just not feasible anymore. But I know that we’re on the same page and we both want the adoption equally, and that helps. I’m trying to use this time to read more, talk more, and get ready for the Blackbird when their time is right. I imagine that will be sometime when the Bluebird is a year old or so. Good Cop is the best dad ever. These are some lucky kids. I’m so grateful we’re doing this parenting thing together; I couldn’t imagine a better partner to make the scary task of being a mom a lot less scary. I love you, Good Cop, and I love your good heart. I’m so glad this baby is 50% you (hopefully more than that).